A Place for Connecting and Disclosing

As Ben was playing his XBOX one night during the summer of his senior year of high school going into college, his Mom came in to give him a letter that he had received in the mail from Lasher State which was the school that he had been accepted to and was going to attend in the Fall. The letter was about who the University had chosen to be Ben’s new roommate. Ben was surprised that the letter had come so soon because he had only filled out the roommate preference sheet a couple weeks prior. As his Mom left the room and his eyes still fixed on the game, he decided to look up his new roommate on facebook to see what kind of person he was and to contact him during the summer to hang out before they moved in together. When he got to his facebook page Ben realized that he had a new email saying that David Bradford had added him as a friend on facebook. This name was the same name from the letter that he had got from Lasher State about his new roommate. Ben was hesitant to accept the friend request because he felt as if this person was a stranger still. He accepted the request to look at his new roommates page, as he looked he noticed he was in football, had many many friends, had a lot of girls that commented his page, and looked like he liked to drink and party. Ben thought to himself that the University must have messed up and given him the wrong person or last person because by the looks of his profile on facebook, David seemed like grades were not at the top of his priority list and Ben specifically asked for someone like him that would have grades being important. Ben also then looked at his own facebook page and decided that his was not up to date and that he probably looked like a nerd from some of the things he put for interests.

As the two boys moved into together to their new dorm room for their first year of college, they meet their roommates that were staying across the hall, two girls that were best friends since high school named Allison and Chloe. The four students became really good friends as the semester went on until one day when Chloe started noticing that Allison wasn’t hanging out as much with her anymore and was leaving the room before Chloe woke up.  When Dave and Ben asked Chloe where Allison had been and why they had not seen her lately, Chloe told them that she thought something was different with her friend. Dave then went on facebook and saw that Allison had posted on her facebook that she had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Dave had Ben read it and then Chloe. Chloe was upset and felt like her best friend should have told her about problem before displaying for everyone to see. As Chloe was explaining how she felt, Allison walked through the door.  

The key terms in this case are self-disclosure, social connection, warranting and facebook.  In this case, we can apply permeability which is how freely people allow others to share information they disclosed about themselves. Allison used this by sharing her information about herself on facebook first. She also applied ownership by controlling who had access to her posting on facebook. The people on facebook that were able to read her posts also became boundary insiders because they got to view Allison’s information and be involved if they wanted to by posting a comment back to her about the information she displayed about herself. Chloe was hurt because she felt that Allison should have came to her and disclosed that information to her best friend first and not facebook.  Also in Allison’s case she applied topic avoidance by not bringing this new information to Chloe and secret keeping by not saying anything to Chloe for weeks as Chloe noticed a big change in her friends actions. This case is very similiar to a situation that happened within my group of friends and disclosing information on facebook. I feel it is very easy to relate to because it seems as if facebook is the place to air all your dirty laundry at one time to everyone.

I Need Some Space

Ashley and Jacinta were the best of friends in high school. they contuined to go to college and also become roommates knowing that this would be a comfortable situation in such an unfamiliar place. They were happy to have each other and spent alot of time together. The girls ate together every night and did just about every thing together. This integration period of being together so much did take a toll on Ashley as she began to setttle in with the seperation period by finding new friends, hanging out with them without Jacy and not spending as much time with Jacy. Jacy began to notice this behavior and became confused as to why Ashley had changed. The tension grew between the girls as Jacy was confused and Ashley was being nonexpressive by not telling her why she had not hung out with her. Ashley was no longer predictable by going and being spontaneous on her own and not spending so much time with Jacy. The girls did talk it out and maintain their friendship with communication. The second year of college they decided to room with other people to release some of the tension of their relationship. As their relationship got better, Ashley got a new boyfriend that Jacy didnt like. Jacy went on facebook one day and found her boyfriend Steve kissing another girl. She wanted to express this to Ashley but however wanted to be nonexpressive by keeping Steve's privacy. As Jacy told Ashley what she had found, Ashley began to get emotional (as girls do) and cry. The third year of college had started for the girls and Ashley decided to study abroad while Jacy stayed in the states. Before leaving to study abroad, Ashley had noticed that Jacy had a new boyfriend and wanted to know who this person was. Jacy was torn in between whether or not to express to her who she was with which was Ashley's ex boyfriend Steve or to be nonexpressive and spare her feelings by not telling her who she was with. Ashley saw the couple in the store and found out who she was with. Once again the relationship had tension because Jacy was nonexpressive. After a couple weeks of not talking Jacy apologized but their friendship had changed and trust now had to be earned back from Jacy.
        As Ashley went off to study abroad, Jacy would always try to keep contact with her by email and texting. Three weeks later Ashley replied and their relationship was starting to get back on track. As Ashley came home, Jacy reunited with her at the airport to rekindle their friendship. Ashley did forgive Jacy which took the tension out of their relationship and they decided to live together their last year in college realizing that they would not take their friendship for granted. The last year the girls were back to the integration stage and when they graduated both had to seperate again not knowing when they would see each other. I can see how the relational dialectics and gender norms have a process and that process is a spiral and cycle of stages that take place throughtout the relationship and through time.

The Born (again) Identity

This case shows how identities are changed through time and how they can also change through experiences in one’s life. Identity consists of shifts and is multi-layered as well. These layers are how our identities are formed through feelings, thoughts, spirituality and behavior.

John was a high school student who was on the football team. At one of his games he ran the winning touchdown for the team and became well-known at school. This brought him popularity and girls that never had paid attention to him before. To improve his identity he also started drinking and became known as a risk-taker to his friends. His identity was shaped through these specific experiences which made him feel good about himself.  One night he and his sister had been drinking and John decided to drive. That night they got into a bad accident and almost died. John’s sister was bruised and scarred and John had to have surgery on his leg which in return lead him to need a lot of physical therapy. During this time, John started feeling bad for putting his sister in danger and for ruining his own life. He had everything going for him and now he had nothing. Even his friends treated him differently. John fell into a depression but while recovering he and his physical therapist got very close and his therapist suggested a book to him. After he read the book, he started to forgive himself for what he did and began to move forward with a new outlook.  He started to attend church with Mark after rehabilitating and these new things in his life did change the relationship between John and his sister Katie. They were no longer that close because they were doing different activities. John found God and Katie kept drinking.

John later got in contact with one of his friends from school that he played football with and also drank with. John was invited to go and hang out like old times before he has in the accident. The night ended up turning out that all his friends wanted him to be the same old risk-taker and drinker he had always been by reclaiming a drinking title he had. Since the accident John had re evaluated his life and changed the activities that he once engaged in.  His sister also humiliated him by explaining to his friends that he no longer was the same because he had found God. The people at the party than started to turn their heads and carry on with there own conversations as he left  to go home.

Johns looking glass self was built from his relationships with his friends and his popularity increased with drinking, but it changed after the accident and he became depressed. He looked at himself differently which caused him to take on a new identity and how he viewed drinking. The social construction of his identity changed as his relationships changed. He no longer had a relationship to drank with friends and took on a relationship with God and Mark. He had to re-negotiate expectations for self and for the relationships with friends. Peer relationships shaped his identity and his identity was reshaped because of the relationships he formed with his peers. (risk-taker and drinker)