I Need Some Space

Ashley and Jacinta were the best of friends in high school. they contuined to go to college and also become roommates knowing that this would be a comfortable situation in such an unfamiliar place. They were happy to have each other and spent alot of time together. The girls ate together every night and did just about every thing together. This integration period of being together so much did take a toll on Ashley as she began to setttle in with the seperation period by finding new friends, hanging out with them without Jacy and not spending as much time with Jacy. Jacy began to notice this behavior and became confused as to why Ashley had changed. The tension grew between the girls as Jacy was confused and Ashley was being nonexpressive by not telling her why she had not hung out with her. Ashley was no longer predictable by going and being spontaneous on her own and not spending so much time with Jacy. The girls did talk it out and maintain their friendship with communication. The second year of college they decided to room with other people to release some of the tension of their relationship. As their relationship got better, Ashley got a new boyfriend that Jacy didnt like. Jacy went on facebook one day and found her boyfriend Steve kissing another girl. She wanted to express this to Ashley but however wanted to be nonexpressive by keeping Steve's privacy. As Jacy told Ashley what she had found, Ashley began to get emotional (as girls do) and cry. The third year of college had started for the girls and Ashley decided to study abroad while Jacy stayed in the states. Before leaving to study abroad, Ashley had noticed that Jacy had a new boyfriend and wanted to know who this person was. Jacy was torn in between whether or not to express to her who she was with which was Ashley's ex boyfriend Steve or to be nonexpressive and spare her feelings by not telling her who she was with. Ashley saw the couple in the store and found out who she was with. Once again the relationship had tension because Jacy was nonexpressive. After a couple weeks of not talking Jacy apologized but their friendship had changed and trust now had to be earned back from Jacy.
        As Ashley went off to study abroad, Jacy would always try to keep contact with her by email and texting. Three weeks later Ashley replied and their relationship was starting to get back on track. As Ashley came home, Jacy reunited with her at the airport to rekindle their friendship. Ashley did forgive Jacy which took the tension out of their relationship and they decided to live together their last year in college realizing that they would not take their friendship for granted. The last year the girls were back to the integration stage and when they graduated both had to seperate again not knowing when they would see each other. I can see how the relational dialectics and gender norms have a process and that process is a spiral and cycle of stages that take place throughtout the relationship and through time.